“Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB)
It had been a long and rocky road. Shaken up emotional, physically, mentally and spiritually by the psychotic behaviours that had manifested themselves in my husband’s dementia, I had no choice but to list him for long-term care. Unfortunately, the day after his applications for crisis placement in one of the 15 homes I chose went in, my husband was responsible for the fact that one of his respite workers broke his ankle. Rejection letters from the chosen homes began pouring in. No one could handle his behaviours…
Ironic, isn’t it? If I could handle his behaviours, I wouldn’t be seeking placement for him! Isn’t this the reason such homes exist?
There was only one option left, a special behavioural program for dementia patients. I was told the decision would be made on Tuesday of that week; but when Thursday rolled around and I still had no news, my peace disappeared. My experience had been that “no news is BAD news”, so you can guess where my mind went. I was devastated! How could they dangle a carrot in front of my nose and then cruelly whip it away? Didn’t God understand what kind of stress I was under?
I loaded my dog into the car and drove out to a local trail where she could run off-leash and I wouldn’t have to worry about her. I then set out, determined to help God see things from my point of view…
We’ve all been there, and you probably already know what I’m going to say: Trying to get God to see things from our perspective is a total waste of time, one that leaves us emptier and more depressed than ever!
And that’s where I was, half-way down the trail. God? Don’t You care? Don’t You see how much I need help? How can You just withdraw the only help there is for him???
I could hear God calling out; but it was like He was in a completely different world… He wasn’t going to come to me. Rather, I would have to go to Him… But that meant … That meant He wasn’t going to see things from my perspective, was He? Rather, He wanted me to see things from His!
But wait. What if His perspective wasn’t the one I wanted to have as my reality?
It was a long rest of the trail; but in the end, one of us had changed perspectives, and it wasn’t God!
Amazing how I felt such peace…
You see, I had claimed Proverbs 3:5 a weeks earlier: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 NASB). I had fully surrendered the whole thing to the Lord. My eyes were firmly fixed on Him, and nothing could phase me. Then the ankle was broken and homes began to reject my husband’s application and my eyes sort of shifted their focus to the circumstances. When I was made aware of the behavioural program, I was sure it was a gift of God, and my eyes shifted to that. Then when I wasn’t given confirmation that he would even be accepted into this program, well, I am ashamed to admit that my eyes were so distracted by the circumstances and the disappointment that I couldn’t see God at all!
As I loaded the dog back into the car to go back home, I am happy to report that my eyes were once again focused completely and totally on Jesus. I was truly claiming not just Proverbs 3:5, but verse 6 as well: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” (NASB) I understood that even though I didn’t know the final outcome, I could trust the One who loves us perfectly, the Almighty, All-knowing God, the source of all wisdom, to make our paths straight! If it meant waiting, God would protect me from the violence. No matter what the outcome, it would be the best one, and God would carry me through, one day at a time.
As I reflect on this, it occurs to me that the positive things — Being designated as crisis, the potentiality of attending the behaviour program — These things brought hope, making me think this was how God was going to answer my prayers. My mistake came when I shifted my hope away from Jesus and onto these things of the world!
Although it isn’t wrong to hope, it is wrong to depend upon these things instead of Jesus. We are wrong to look to them as the solution rather than looking to the solution Giver. In my case, I knew that the solution might, indeed, come from these channels. My job, however, was to keep focused on Jesus, to surrender 100% to His will and to keep my eyes on Him when the wind and waves of trials resurges. This way, no matter what, I would always have hope. Not hope that he would be admitted to the behavioural program; but rather, hope that whatever was best for him would come to be!
What about you? Are you placing your hope in something other than Jesus? If you are, then be prepared for your hope to fail. It is only in total surrender to God, no matter what the outcome, it is in total acceptance that He knows best, no matter what, that you will find peace!
In His love,
Lyn
Lynona Gordon Chaffart
Author, Moderator, Acting Director, Answers2Prayer Ministries
P.S. This piece was written a year ago. I am happy to report that shortly after, my husband was admitted to that behavioural program, and it did help him immensely!