After Tamar’s shameful experience with her half-brother, Amnon, she was doomed to a life of disgrace. Fortunately for her, she had someone who truly loved her, Absalom, her full-brother. In an age where losing your virginity was the worst shame that could befall a woman, Absalom took Tamar into his home. And there she lived, hidden away in her shame.
But Absalom wasn’t about to sit back and take what had happened to his sister: “And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.” (2 Sam 13:22 NKJV).
Absalom was shrewd. He bided his time. The Bible says that he waited two years before doing anything.
Why did he wait? The Bible doesn’t say. Maybe it was because he was giving his father, the king, time to adequately punish Amnon. And we are told that David was, indeed, very angry with Amnon: “But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” (2 Sam 13:21 NKJV)
But David didn’t do anything. Why not? Again, the Bible doesn’t say, and any explanation is but pure speculation. I propose, however, that it is highly possible that David recognized his own sin in his son and simply felt too ashamed to do anything about it.
Whatever the reason, throughout this two year period, Absalom’s anger and hatred mushroomed to the point that he decided to take things into his own hands: “Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, ‘Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, “Strike Amnon!” Then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.’ So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled.” (2 Sam 13:28-29 NKJV)
Where did Absalom go? “But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur.” (2 Sam 13:37)
And who was this Talmai?
We find the answer in 1 Chron. 3:2: “…the third, Absalom the son of Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur . . .“
Absalom fled to his grandfather!
We are told that Absalom lived with his grandfather for 3 years, and “David mourned for his son every day.” (2 Sam 13:37). But he didn’t send for him. In fact, though he mourned for his son, David wouldn’t let Absalom return to Israel until the head of the army, Joab, contrived a deceiving story. And even then, though David allowed Absalom to return, he refused to see his son.
Why did David react this way?
He was likely punishing Absalom, but his chosen punishment only angered Absalom into burning Joab’s field of barley, and only after this did David allow Absalom back into the royal family.
So what is the lesson we can learn from this story?
In the actions of both Absalom and his father David, we see how unforgiveness and pride brews in the heart and makes things even worse. Absalom was too proud to bring up the subject and clear the air with Amnon, and as a result, he had him killed. David became angry with Absalom for killing Amnon. Though he grieved for him, he was too proud to tell him to come home, and when trickery finally brought the wayward son home, David was still too proud and angry to forgive. This led Absalom to doing even more harm and eventually led to his attempt to usurp the kingdom from his father.
Both Absalom and David had a right to be angry. What both Amnon and Absalom did was very, very wrong. But pridefully holding on to that anger only led to more and more wrong, and in the end, it led to David being chased from his palace, and it led to the death of Absalom.
What is there in your life that you haven’t forgiven, friend? Are you too proud to forgive? It doesn’t matter how bad the actions of the one(s) you haven’t forgiven, it doesn’t matter whether or not they deserve your forgiveness. Pridefully holding on to that anger will only lead to more and more atrocities. In this case, it led to an attempt to usurp the throne, and then it led to death. In some cases, the only harm done is to you, yourself, because holding on to anger and unforgiveness will, if nothing else, result in mental turmoil. It will result in pent up anger. It may even result in physical ailments such as stomach problems, difficulties swallowing, back issues and headaches. Friends, the lesson that we can learn from this sad, sad story is just this: No matter how wicked the act committed is, our job is to humble ourselves and forgive. If we do not, then more and more atrocities will result.
Please join us next week for LESSONS FROM DAVID’S FALL, Part 5: A Kingdom Doomed.
In His love,
Lyn
Lyn Chaffart, Speech-Language Pathologist, mother of two teens, Author and Moderator for The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets, a website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems, www.scripturalnuggets.org, with Answers2Prayer Ministries, www.Answers2Prayer.org.
(To access the entire “Lessons From David’s Fall” mini-series, please click here.)