My question poignant. All my life I had chosen to be on God’s team but now I felt God had no time for me, no wish to be a reality to me. I had passed my use-by date and my prove-by date and I was an unacceptable liability. I was too useless to be a member of His team. My question to Him was; ‘Do you want me on the team or not?’
For a long time I had received no affirmation from Him that He wanted me around and I was prepared to let Him go if that was what He wanted. The call was His. I would accept the consequences gracefully, no recriminations, no complaints, I would take it on the chin.
That is when I turned my Bible upsidedowninsideoutinthedarkbehindmyback and said ‘Please, this is your call but give it to me yourself and give it straight. Give me a pointer. Tell me whether you want me around or not.’ Because I never treat my Bible like a game of bingo, hit the jackpot if you can sort of thing, take a chance on getting the right number and so on. I treat my Bible the same as I treat a deeply respected father. I went to it for advice from my Father. Had I been disinherited or was I still in His will?
Except right now it was three minutes to midnight in my life and I needed a quick answer. I had drained the last dregs of my faith from the bottom of the barrel. There was nothing left in me. And He gave me the most ridiculous reply anyone could imagine. When I opened the page I looked where my finger fell. On a Bible that was upsidedown. I turned it rightsideup and read this:
“In the thirty-seventh year of the exile of King Jehoiachin of Judah, on the twent-seventh day of the twelfth month, King Evil-merodach of Babylon in theyear of his succession showed favour to King Jehoiachin. He released him from prison, treated him kindly, and gave him a seat at table above the kings with him in Babylon. Jehoiachin, discarding his prison clothes, lived as a pensioner of the king for the rest of his life. For his maintenance as long as he lived a regular daily allowance was given him by the king.” (2nd Kings 25:27-30).
Other people pull promises out of Promise Boxes and get wonderful answers but I went to the whole Box itself and let God choose for me. So the laughs were on me. Well thanks for nothing, God, but at least you are honest. You can have all the laughs and I will go quietly.
I put the book on the table and turned to watch the first beams of morning light silhouetting the eastern hills. My heart was silently breaking but His answer was clear. I was unwanted and unwantable.
I took the Book up again to read the passage one last time. It was to be the last time I would ever open the Book but something urged me to read the passage again.
Then it hit me. God was telling my I was as Jehoiachin, I was in need of serious after-care, I was the one God was putting at top table, I was the one to receive a regular daily portion to meet my needs. I was not unwanted and unwantable, I was already in God’s palace because He wanted me there.
The call was His and He said clearly, ‘You did not choose me; I chose you.’ (John 15:16).
Elizabeth Price
By Just a Minute team writer Elizabeth Price. You can contact Elizabeth direct at mailto:reprice@dragnet.com.au