Hi. I’m Heidi and I have epilepsy. My seizures began to get bad when I was in my thirties. I had been having a headache for a week and began feeling like I was going to fall out of bed. I began sleeping on the floor. I had been working full time and my position had been reduced to part time and then eventually eliminated. I went to look for a new job when my doctor advised me to file for disability. I did so and found out that I have been having seizures all my life. I didn’t even know it. My roommate told me that she was going to move and I was faced with living on the street. I was afraid I would die there. I asked the state for help and there was none available so I called the White House.
The hardest thing about epilepsy is that I am unable to do the things I used to do so easily. I don’t like asking for help and I take pride in being able to accomplish things. When I can’t do something that I used to do readily, I feel like a failure. I had been trying to get a card business off the ground for years and it never went anywhere. I felt like I (capitalize I) was the one who had to make it happen. And without help from anyone else. Looking back, I realized how lonely I was and how lonely such an attitude made me.
Last week, I realized that I took too much pride in my own strengths and maybe God allowed me to be epileptic to humble me and make me ask for help. I had lost the use of my arm eighteen years ago, had three knee surgeries and almost had ovarian surgeries.
Last week, I spent time in prayer confessing to God how prideful I had been. I had felt like I was the one who would make myself succeed. I had the contacts and connections and I didn’t want to need anyone to help me. I was afraid I would get hurt. Currently, I’m in a situation where I need to find a home that is safe to live in and I have had to ask for help. It’s been extremely humbling but it has also been freeing. I have a friend Andy, who has been there every step of the way and I have not felt so alone. And it’s all because I have realized that I was wrong to be so independent and harden my heart.
Heidi Dietrich
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