Last Saturday in the first part of this series, “A Spoonful of Sugar“, we see that from the example of Paul’s tiny letter to Philemon, in the Biblical book that bears this name, the Biblical first step to correction: pointing out people’s positive characteristics! This goes a long way towards preparing them for the correction that may be upcoming. This isn’t, however, the only lesson on how to optimally give correction that the book of Philemon has to teach us…
After his greeting and his encouraging words to the slave owner, Philemon, Paul begins his plea for Philemon’s runaway slave, Onesimus. As we saw in part 1 of this series, the usual treatment of runaway slaves was to punish them severely by whipping them or by branding them with hot irons. We also saw that sometimes this punishment led to death. It was a scary thing to be discovered as a fugitive slave. Paul is hoping to influence Philemon to be kind to Onesimus, and after feeding that “spoonful of sugar” for four verses — telling Philemon how thankful Paul is for Philemon — Paul begins to work up to his request.
We will notice, however, that Paul is not forceful about this request. Given Paul’s place in the church and given the fact that Philemon is Paul’s spiritual child, he could very well command Philemon to do his biding. But he doesn’t. Instead, he shows respect for Philemon’s right to punish the returned fugitive: “That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do. But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you.” (Philemon 1:8 NLT).
Herein lies another very important element in our quest to correct one another: It is easier to persuade others with polite requests and a positive attitude rather than with rude demands and negativity. Or as my southern-born mom used to say, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar!”
This makes sense. As humans we all bristle at being told what to do; but we are honoured when we receive a polite and kind request. But Paul doesn’t stop here: “Consider this as a request from me—Paul, an old man and now also a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus.” (Philemon 1:9 NLT). Besides asking instead of commanding, Paul brings this to a personal level. He makes it a personal request, reminding his friend and brother in Christ that he is old and a prisoner for the sake of the gospel. Not only are we honoured when we receive a polite and kind request rather than a command, but our hearts tend to be turned more quickly when it is a personal request from a friend!
It is only after this introduction that Paul present his request: “I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus.” (Philemon 1:10a NLT). Notice again that Paul isn’t commanding, but his appeal is humble in all ways.
Humility! The Biblical approach to providing correction!
Paul goes on to tell Philemon why he cares so much for the fugitive slave: “I became his father in the faith while here in prison. Onesimus hasn’t been of much use to you in the past, but now he is very useful to both of us. I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart. I wanted to keep him here with me while I am in these chains for preaching the Good News, and he would have helped me on your behalf.” (Philemon 1:10b-13 NLT). Notice the tact Paul uses in his appeal: Onesimus is actually acting as Philemon’s hands and feet, doing for Paul what Philemon couldn’t personally do! But at the same time, Paul is acknowledging that Philemon would have happily served Paul if he could!
Who is it that you feel the need to correct?
I would urge you to seek the Lord and ensure that you are the one who should be administering the correction. If not, you must submit the person to the Lord for the Lord’s correction. But if God is calling you to be the one to provide the correction, remember the Biblical formula: A spoonful of sugar, and you will catch more flies with honey than vinegar! Approach the person with all humility. Make it a request, not a command, and make it from a personal level; all the while acknowledging the person’s good traits.
Paul’s advice on how to administer correction doesn’t stop here, however. In fact, it takes a radical turn: Please join us next Saturday for the final part of “How to Give Correction”!
In His love,
Lyn
Lynona Gordon Chaffart
Author, Moderator, Associate Director, Answers2Prayer Ministries
(To access the entire “How to Give Correction” mini-series, please click here!)
