“I will bless the LORD who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me.” (Psalm 16: 7 NLT)
“Oh God, this day has been so hard.” I state as I walk though my doorway. One of the first things I see is my journal and my writing pen. I slump into the chair, switch on the lamp, and pick up my pen. Thousands of words mixed with emotions are swirling around in my head, yet so few are making sense. Words that sometimes flow like a spring towards you are now very slow in coming. As I scribble, I also speak my thoughts aloud.
“Today I have had my emotions, intellect, and strength, stretched to their limit. Frustration and confusion have been my constant companions. I’m drained.”
For several moments my pen simple hovers over my short scribbling. Then, I make a list of emotions-fear, frustration, overwhelmed, angry, sad, distressed, worried. Jotting down these thoughts I realize how tired my mind is. Time trickles by. I drift in and out of clear thought. Like an ice cube slowly melting in a cool room my thoughts expand. Words and ideas start to become full sentences. As they take shape, they begin as questions.
Why do I feel so removed from you? Where is the closeness to God I usually know? Where is the shelter in the midst of this storm? How do I continue on this road that you have asked me to walk? My written cries continue. They now flow freely, but hurt to write. I look back over the sheet of short paragraphs. This one page of writing has been such an effort. I begin to write again.
In mid-sentence, as my arm is moving across the paper, I notice the illuminated time on my watch. I look up, and try to glance around the room. I see shapes, and shadow. Gradually my eyes adjust. The difficulty is I have only this one lamp to provide light. I had switched it on when I came in. This one light kept me writing while I was engulfed, in darkness, as night fell.
Unexpectedly, by divine inspiration, a thought captures my mind and heart. Just as this physical light had not left me when the darkness fell, neither had God left me in my dark day. The true light of God is just as available to me as this lamp was. There are also other lights I can switch on throughout the house to remove the physical darkness. Similarly, there are Christian friends that I can call on to banish the spiritual darkness. There are probably a few of them who are praying, for me, right now. I must remember God’s vibrant light is guiding my way no matter how dark it seems. As I sit here, in semidarkness, I am more at peace than I have been in days. I am aglow with God’s love.
“Lord, you are wonderful, I thank you because you always have just the right way, at just the right time to illustrate how much you care for me. I renew my trust in you.” Amen.
Peter D. Mallett
c.2005 Tidewater Christian Writers Forum Norfolk Virgnia