Gotta love this friend. She made me laugh with her story.
While a favorite cake I made baked in the oven, I put my feet up and began reading a print catalog. I saw an item that interested me.
In order to see the photo a bit larger, I simply touched the picture. I expected it would load additional info with a larger picture.
Nothing happened. So, I touched it a few more times until I realized DUH! It's not going to load anything else. It can't load. It's not digital...it's print!
I laughed, and you might have, too. But how often you and I have done the very same thing? We've tried and tried to enlarge God's love.
When the ugliness of life turns dark and tears soak our pillow, we want God to be large enough to ease our sorrow. We want to enlarge His power to quickly erase our heartache. And we definitely want to increase His understanding of the yuckiness of our situation.
Who visits me now?
Then we go to the next stage. Self-pity visits and settles besides us on the couch of life, and biting our lower lip because happiness left us, we so desperately wish His voice to be big enough to bring it back. Or at least loud enough to order our gloom to go away.
I know this first hand because I've been there. At 31, enjoying my role as a Mom to my 3-, 5–, and 7-year-old sons, an intruder came and robbed my happiness. It was called
Retinitis Pigmentosa. The dreaded hereditary disease dropped a black curtain over my days, leaving me completely blind.
Desperation, not a nice sensation.
And in that darkness, I furiously wanted to tap the surface of my faith and make God large, super large to look down upon me and say,
"I'm big enough to grant relief to your pain. I will give your sight
But He didn't. And so, I went to bed with wrinkled tissue in hand, trying to suppress my cries, hoping my husband wouldn't hear his blind wife sob her night away.
Hubby didn't hear me, and apparently, God didn't either. He seemed small, distant, and aloof to my heartache.
Give me the end of the story.
So, what happened? Some of you have already read my books and know the rest of my story. But let me remind you that the light shone in my heart when I took a long sigh and got quiet, really quiet.
Since my eyes stopped working, my hearing became sharper. With earphones securely on, I listened to God's Word. It was His voice speaking to me. So clearly, he repeated the verse in the book of Matthew.
He said that I was more than a fool. I was first looking to see again. I was obsessed in being a
"normal" person. I sought first to be a sighted Mom and wife. But His Word was saying, stop that nonsense. Instead, seek me first. And guess what! All the stuff you're looking for will be added to you. (This is not a quote from the Bible, but rather, my bold paraphrase and interpretation of
And so, I did. I put on my eyeglasses of obedience and began my search...of Him. In doing so, I stepped back and realize that my blindness was no match to the size of His provision. My darkness was insignificant compared to the brightness of His light.
Then all turned around. All fit perfectly where it belonged. No more desperately seeking to see again. The eyes of my heart saw His promises with 20/20 spiritual vision. What glory!
How sweet the truth that God is already large enough to conquer anything. That's why my seeking never stopped. Today I seek Him, with fervor, with diligence, with passion, and with expectation.
Joy has been visiting each night, Hubby's respect and admiration repeats each time he says he loves me. My sons grew up strong, capable and loving.
And the things God said He would add...well, He multiplied them instead.
How about you?
I write these lines because He's probably whispering the same to you: What in the world are you seeking? Are you searching what this world cannot hold? What it cannot give you. Or what it cannot answer?
Seek Me, God says. And watch; just watch how powerfully big and mighty I am. Watch what I will do.
Father, keep me humble enough to first and above all seek you. Keep me bold enough to declare the size of your mighty power, perfect enough to meet my every need. In Jesus' name, amen.
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